my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Are my feet made of real feet?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
