im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
