Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
