also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
