Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
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You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
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It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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