You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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