Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
