if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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