just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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