remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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