Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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