Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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