i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
