just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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