he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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