My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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