She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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