is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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