Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
