were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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