My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize