Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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