You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
