Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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