We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
