She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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