My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
