The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
we're so committed to being not committed
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
