I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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