help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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