I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
