dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
