Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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