If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
