So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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