I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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