Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
organizing the empties. That sober.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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