Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
