I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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