I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
