youre lurking in front of me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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