i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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