It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
