he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
