i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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