"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize