What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize