Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
