Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
