ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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