My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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