My sheets look like a crime scene.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
