I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
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I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I said "one day" and that day is not today