Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
