just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
