So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
