I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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