Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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