i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
