foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize