you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
