why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
