My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
